The Theism Model of Relationship Development Dynamism: the Intimation and Invitation Principles.

Just recently, God has been teaching me so much about others and myself. This post is the fruit of these pains God has been taking me through. It’s a simple theory, but it can be used to help understand relationships of all kinds, spiritual and temporal. This can be used most effectively as a tool in finding one possible source of problems in these relationships, when they arise. Secondly, this theory can be used to describe the success of other relationships. As stated above, this theory is very simple, but the technical phrasings and jargon used is primarily to help standardize these ideas for the psychological world.

Anyway, I have noticed there are two components to every relationship we have:

(1) An invitation principle – this is the “developmental” part of a relationship. It’s the level with which one is slowly inviting the person into intimacy with them. If we use driving down a highway as a metaphor for relationship development, then this would be the speed with which one is driving down that road.

(2) An intimation principle – this is the term used to describe the level of intimacy we have with the person. In the metaphor, this is how far down the road you are; the mile marker, if you will.

What I have noticed recently is that every person has one of these drives that is stronger than the other. This can cause problems. Have you ever met a person that within 10 minutes of meeting them, you two are talking about the deepest aspects of your lives? Most likely, this person works primarily off of the intimation principle. They seek a bond first, and focus on really developing the relationship only after that intimacy is already established. Have you ever met someone that just seems like they have a wall up between them and everyone else in the world, except for a few people that are very close to them? Most likely, this person works primarily off of the invitation principle. They must slowly get to know you and slowly invite you into the most intimate parts of their lives. Relationship development comes first and intimacy comes along the way, as they invite you closer and closer to them.

My next post will be some practical applications of this theory, but now I want to discuss the “Theistic” side of the model for this theory. These two interpersonal principles act as symbols and shadows of greater realities God has placed in us humans to represent our intraspiritual principles as well. In plain English: we see these two drives show themselves in both our relationships with people, and our relationship with God; and how they show themselves in our relationship with God reveal their truest form and function in human relationships.

A quick foundation: There is a relationship firmly established in Scripture between the four stages of our salvation (wooing, justification, sanctification, and glorification) and intimacy with God. For convenience, I’ll provide only one verse for each, though there are more I could use. First, God’s wooing and drawing of us into conversion is shown in Hosea 2:14. Our salvation is connected to an intimacy and relationship with God in Hosea 2:20. This intimacy is also connected to our continuing sanctification as seen in Jeremiah 31:33, 34 (writing on our hearts). Lastly, our eventual heavenly glorification with Christ is found in the depiction of heaven presented in the latter part of verse 34 in the Jeremiah passage.

Now to the point of this: Hebrews 10:14 – the main apologetic for the Theism Model of Relationship Development Dynamism. “For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.” Using the connections we established scripturally above, one could perhaps rewrite this verse to say, “by a single offering he has brought into complete intimacy for all time those who he is slowly inviting into closer and closer intimacy with him.”

These drives exhibit themselves in the Christian walk in that in one moment, we are as close to God as we will ever be in this life, but at the same time, there is a real relationship development that must take place for this relationship to yield anything in our lives and serve its purpose. Thus, this model can show that the healthiest relationships that best represent God’s image in us are those that are intentional, purposeful, and leading to a real intimacy. Relationship development is only as good as the intimacy that it yields.

Intimacy yields the fruit, development tends to the vine. They must both be there for health. A relationship driven simply by intimation is reckless, and a relationship driven simply by invitation is fearful.

In light of this, I hope all who read this post take from it a sense of purpose that must be present in relationships. Please don’t be fostering relationships not allowing people into those intimate parts of your life, and don’t be giving intimacy to those that you clearly should not. Further, never become complacent with the level of intimacy you have with someone. In romantic relationships, guys do this most often; they feel like they have “won” the girl and after a while stop “fighting” and “pursuing” (synonyms for “development” and “invitation” I think), only to leave the girl to seek someone/something else that will develop that with her. The vine will wither and die. Though I have not exercised all of these principles well in the least, God has used these shortcomings to teach me where the line should be drawn, and I hope this wisdom will be helpful to those who read this far down.

Next post: more practical outworkings of the Invitation and Intimation principles.

--paul